You know what i miss most out of everything that's come and gone in my life. Feeling safe, knowing (naively) that the world is a good place and that no one is out to get me.
I'm sitting here wondering if i'm going to get fired. I hope not but at the same time i hope i do. I feel like crying and laughing, because my parents are both going to assume that its my fault whatever happens. I'm a failure. bla bla bla. I just should have tried harder, i wasn't nice enough, i didn't whatever. I hate that feeling like something big is going to happen and you know its bad, you just don't know how bad.
The biggest problem is, is that i don't really feel like i did anything wrong. I made mistakes, but i'm brand fucking new. Who wouldn't make mistakes especially when i had like 15 tables. All brand new tables, wanting to order and bla bla bla. I understand that i screwed up, but is it really worth all of this. Seriously, i don't need the money, AT ALL. I wanted this job for something to do. Which now is turning into a massive panic attack.
Screw Shari's. I don't need them, but i do enjoy them and i'm frustrated with being blamed for everything. FUCK ASS.
I wish i was 4 so i i could crawl into Daddy's arms and be held and read a bedtime story knowing that nothing would happen when i woke up the next day, everything would be fixed. (which actually is bullshit because that's when i was being .... by Marjorie so we'll change that age to 2.)

I hate today.